Sex robots, sex clowns … the best (or worst) hour of television

Let’s not be judgmental.

The episode, broadcast under the banner of the Festival Of Dangerous Ideas, can speak for itself, and under the banner of the FODI consider yourself free to consider the D standing for whatever word comes to mind. In lieu of a coherent summary – a feat beyond the average reviewer – we now throw to the panel for some random thoughts. (Please contact us for a translation to English as required.)

Panellist Nikki Goldstein: “Well, I’m glad we’re starting off with the sex robots.”

Tony Jones: “Assuming they have a spare $10,000 to spend on a sex robot.”

Viewer: Checks bank balance.

Jones: “You’ve been to have a conversation, if you can put it that way, with a sex robot. I presume it was platonic?”

Goldstein: “It was platonic. I did go hunting around the rooms to see the different bits and pieces and all the different attachments you can get. When you create the robots they start off as a live doll. That’s the current thing we’re seeing on the market as the sex doll. They do have various gaps in the genitals where you can choose the different type of vulva you would like or the type of penis. They did show me they have flaccid and erect because you might not want to be carrying around your sex robot with this erect penis. Not to say you carry them around at the supermarket. You can get converters as well.”

The subject of sex robots, and sex clowns, was covered extensively by the panel.

The subject of sex robots, and sex clowns, was covered extensively by the panel.

Jones: “You have to carry them around because you can’t imagine them wandering around your living room with a martini?”

Viewer: Pours sixth martini.

Jones: “Are we talking about some kind of paedophile bot?”

Goldstein: “This is the problem.”

Viewer: Grabs remote.

Panellist Van Badham.

Viewer: Grabs remote.

Van Badham: “The issue that I have is where these sex robots occur in the conditions of modern patriarchy and the potential for them to become a vehicle for greater objectification of women and greater acts of misogyny. One of the issues we have around the sort of modern malaise of depression amongst men, resentments and anger about a lack of sexual fulfilment comes from a decommunifying essentially of people’s lives and experiences.”

Jones: “You’re going to have to pause so I can go to somebody from the modern patriarchy.”

Viewer: “Can I have some salad dressing?”

Jones: “Chuck, if you had one in your house, where would you keep it?”

Panellist Chuck Klosterman: “Where would I keep the sex robot?”

Jones: “I always wondered, do people keep them in cupboards or do they sit in the living room and watch television all day?”

Klosterman: “A cupboard, that’s a pretty small sex robot. That would be odd.”

Jones: “Depends on the size of your cupboard.”

Viewer: Runs screaming from room.

Jones: “You’ve given me the perfect opportunity to throw to Toby. I know you haven’t talked regularly about sex robots.”

Panellist Toby Walsh: “I never have.”

Viewer: Checks size of cupboards.

Nikki Goldstein has had a conversation with a sex robot.

Nikki Goldstein has had a conversation with a sex robot.

Audience member: “How do you believe your work actively engages the body to enact transgressive ideas and what do you think we can do to activate our bodies to confront questions of gender, sexuality and autotomy by modes of change?”

Viewer: “Eh?”

Panellist and sex-clown Betty Grumbler: “I puppeteer, I do an opening number where I puppeteer my vulva and lip-sync by singing Loving You by Minnie Ripperton with eyes on my backside.”

Viewer: “Who is Minnie Ripperton?”

Viewer: “Wow. How does she hit those high notes?”

Minnie Ripperton: “I’m dead, what did I do to deserve this?”

Jones: “Georgia, stay with us because I know you’re a sex educator and intimacy coach and we want to hear back from you in a minute.”

Goldstein: “First of all we’re talking a lot about sex robots. What we need to make clear is sex robots are very different to human beings.”

Viewer, hiding in empty cupboard: “Thanks for clarifying.”

Jones: “Chuck, what do you think?”

Somebody: “There is a kind of sex-test pilot guy.”

Viewer: Updates CV.

Jones: “You don’t want to talk about this world but you find it scary obviously?”

Viewer: Screams.

Jones: “We’re going to move to the next question now.”

Viewer: Screams.

Jones: “Are you aware of this concept of the manosphere?”

English language: Dies.

Viewer: Locks cupboard door.

Jones: “If you hear any doubtful claims on Q&A, let us know on Twitter.”

Twitter: Collapses worldwide.

Betty Grumble: “Yeah. It’s like a caterpillar’s bottom sometimes.”

Klosterman: “I would not want to go back in time and live in the 1840s and be like, ‘It’s great not having a bathroom.”

Goldstein: “Who is not looking at porn these days?”

Van Badham: “Waitressing was back breaking work but it was social.”

Jones: “Let’s move on. Another question now on bad robots.”

Van Badham: “And then I did what I was probably destined to do and met the love of my life in a loading zone at a CFMEU party.”

Jones: “Sticking your toe in the bath?”

Goldstein: “In the bar. Not the bath.”

Jones: “The bar.”

Goldstein: “Whoever went into a bath.”

Jones: “I was thinking a virtual bath.”

If none of this made any sense, rest assured it made less sense on the night.

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